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hag65

Public Service: FAQ for Opposing Fans

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You go to the game, sit down and settle in to watch your favorite team the Carolina Hurricanes pursue another glorious victory.  

 

But wait!  Something is amiss.  You are watching the game, but in your ear, you hear an endless litany of rhetorical questions being spewed by an opposing fan.  A fan of the enemy.  As you attempt to ignore it, you realize that it is more for your benefit that these wonderful questions get asked.

 

Thus, this thread is born.   You may not have engaged the person at the game, due to your obvious high class standard of behavior, or just that you figure they would have punched your lights out.  Here is your chance to help future opposing fans by getting the answers to them before they even go to the game.  Therefore they won't feel the need to ask the questions out loud into your ear anymore. (YEAH RIGHT)

The rules:  It must be an actual question heard at the game.

 

Format:
Q:  The actual question heard at the game
WTQRM: What they REALLY MEANT by the question
A: Your very informative public service answer to the question


Your reason for posting:  Catharsis.  Humor.  Venting.  It's all good.



Q:  Wow, you would think with the Stanley Cup champions playing, they would sell out this arena.  I don't understand where everyone is...

 

WTQRM:  I'm from Chicago.  My team won the cup.  My town is better than your town.  My fans are better than your fans.  I can't get a decent deep dish pizza here, so I take it out on Canes fans by humiliating them by pointing out that they can't fill their arena.  I'm phenawsomal.

 

A:  You really don't understand?  If you really don't, you really don't like to think, do you...  The population for the Chicago Metropolitan Area is 9,522,434 (Wikipedia).  The population of the Triangle is around 1.7 million.  Call it 20% the size of Chicago.  In fact, population of the entire state of NC is 9,752,000.  So looking at the local area for each arena, i.e. near enough to conveniently attend, there are 5 potential Chicago fans for every 1 potential Canes fan.
But there is one more thing at work here.  Some of the biggest hockey fans in the area refuse to be Canes fans.  The triangle arguably houses the highest percentage of transplanted fans in the nation.  We can't force these people to turn on their teams.  We hope to win them over eventually.  But don't act all cocky about your original 6 fanbase from a 10M metro area in a city where no one wants to live anymore, and stick it in the face of us season ticket holders who proudly pay game after game to keep a team alive here in the Triangle.  Its insulting when we shoulder the financial burden of providing you the chance to see your team locally once or twice a year.  And while you're here, buy something.



Q:  Hey, I thought Ron Francis was better when he played for the Pens.  A class guy.  He was a rental before his time.  Like the Pens last year rented Ilginia  (pronounced IL-GIN-EE-AH) and he was awesome... wasn't he a Cane also?  

 

WTQRM:  I'm a bandwagon fan from Pittsburgh.  I can't pronounce Iginla because I really don't know anything about him.  I just want to try and rub salt in the wounds of Canes fans, but I lack the knowledge to even lay down even a minimal amount of smack.  And why am I wearing my Pens jersey to a Blackhawks/Canes game anyway?  Probably because I married that stupid Blackhawks fan sitting next to me.

 

A:  Francis is a franchise icon.  Of course he was great in Pittsburgh, he played with Jagr and Lemieux.  But no matter what, he'll always be Ronnie Franchise to the Canes/Whalers.  Don't even try.     It's EEE-GIN-LAH and have you ever heard of the Calgary Flames?




Q:  Wow, a shootout!  (Wife: What's a shootout?)   Each team has 5 shooters and they all shoot one on one with the goalie, but you gotta win by 2... am I right?

 

WTQRM:  I have been sitting here for 65 minutes of game time acting like I know everything about hockey, when it is now very clear I know virtually nothing.  I do have a Blackhawks Jersey on though, and married a Pens fan who had to ask me what a shootout was.  So even if I am wrong, I at least know more than my dunderhead wife does.

 

A:  A shootout is where 3 shooters from each team shoot on the opposing goalie, the Canes fans yell $%^& and the opposing team takes home 2 points.

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Almost forgot... one more from that game...

 

 

Q:  That's pretty cool they just did a closeup on Ruutu (jumbotron).  He still plays for the Hawks, but he hasn't really done much for us lately, I guess he has been slumping?

 

WTQRM:  I am still continuing to attempt to impress my wife with my deep hockey knowledge, cause all she does is talk about Crosby and frankly I am getting sick of it.

 

A:  Ummm... the Canes didn't just present that Ruutu was the 9th pick overall by Chicago in 2001 for no reason.  HE HAS PLAYED FOR THE CANES FOR 7 YEARS.  Do you see that guy who just passed to Staal who passed it to Semin who scored?  The guy with the number 15?  That's Ruutu who just stuck it to you.  Next playoffs when you "watch every game" the Hawks play, you might consider closing your big yapper for a while and seeing who plays for your team that isn't named Kane or Toews.

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The best one I've heard by opposing fans while Carolyn and I went to follow the Canes on the road during our pilgrimage...I heard this in three separate venues, Boston, Detroit and Anaheim:

 

Q: You know Carolina used to be the Hartford Whalers?  (yes, they really asked this to me)

 

WTQRM: I just assume you're some dumb redneck from Mayberry who knows zilch about hockey.  Seriously, who follows a team whose name is a weather system?  And, while we're at it, why is there an apostrophe on that guy's name on the back of your jersey?  Is that a Spanish pron-star name or something?

 

A: YGTBSM!

Edited by AWACSooner

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These two guys were cheering for both teams. Guy 2 had a Chicago accent.  

Blackhawks game:

 

Q: (Guy 1-appeared to be cheering for the Canes) That Lindholm kid has been hurt most of the season. (Guy 2- Chicago fan) He played in a pro league where they don't hit much, somewhere in South America, and I guess he can't hold up in the NHL.

 

WTQRM: I don't watch either team, but I know more than you - stupid Canes fans. Even though I failed geography and currently live under a rock, I grew up in the cold where we hate life for 9 months out of the year so I am an expert on all things hockey. 

 

A: I didn't realize that Sweden relocated to South America.  Interesting factoid, idiot. 

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Here's 2 from the Pens game...

 

 

Q:  Crosby, don't keep sharing the puck.  Why does he keep sharing it?

 

WTQRM:  I don't know the word "pass" because I am yet another bandwagon from Pittsburgh.  I have only named Crosby during this game because that is the only player I know.

 

A:  Sidney Crosby is a world class playmaker.  Even the great ones don't score every time.  The letter A on the stat sheet means "assist" and Sid gets a point if he "shares" the puck successfully to someone who then scores.  Sharing is good.  Did you see that wonderful share on the Pen's second goal?

 

 

 

Q: Male: Do you have the Center Ice package?   Female:  YES!  We have it, but they don't show all the Pens games, only games on Tuesdays.  My husband gets mad because we only get the Pens on Tuesdays.  Why is it like that?

 

WTQRM:  I don't understand TV.  I am actually really asking for the info.

 

A:  I have no idea how to answer this.  You either can't read a guide, use a DVR, read your satellite or cable package info.  I am at a loss.  For the record, I know of no Pens on Tuesdays only Center Ice option.

Edited by hag65

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Recent game before the Olympics, I don't remember which one...

 

Q:  Why do the players keep falling so much?  I think the ice is too slippery.

 

WTQRM: I hear people complaining about "bad ice" but I have absolutely know idea what it means.

 

A:  The coefficient of static friction defines how slippery a surface is, and we try to make it...  oh shut up you moron, WHY DO YOU THINK THEY PLAY ON ICE YOU IDIOT, IT"S BECAUSE IT IS SLIPPERY! 

 

Bad ice is ice that looks like I-40 after a repaving job.

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Been a long time, but last night reminded me of this thread, and I have some new ones.

 

Pens game of course, which for some reason is always a big source of these.

To start, woman comes up the wrong side of the section, enters the row and makes 20 people stand up DURING PLAY and it is literally 10 minutes left in the 2nd period and we haven't seen her yet.  Ticket in hand.

 

Q:  (directed to me)  Why are you in my seat?

 

WTQRM: I'm blind drunk and I can't find my seat.  Help me please.

 

A:  "I have had these seats for literally 15 years, it's not likely I am in the wrong seat."

 

 

 

Q:  (her) But I have 6 seats and there are only 3 open next to you, so you must be in my seat?

      (me) "What is your seat number?"

      (her) "14"

      (me) "I'm in 13"

      (her) "But I have 6 seats"

      (me) "What numbers are the other seats?"

      (her) "How am I supposed to know?"

 

WTQRM:  While cognitive skills are wonderful to have, they decrease rapidly in direct proportion to certain forms of consumption.  Therefore I desperately ask for assistance locating my seats before the entire period is over. 

 

A:  Try rousting those other 3 down the line.  I strongly feel you will find them unable to produce tickets for those seats.  For future reference, generally, I have found that people will move down to better seats that still remain open into the second half of the game.  Prevent this by claiming your seats before the 2nd period starts.

 

 

 

 

Q:  (after rousting the cretins who took her seats, to her girlfriend)  "I'm waving to them, why don't they come up here?"

 

WTQRM: I just did all the heavy lifting.  I found the seats!  Why do they find themselves incapable of climbing the stairs and coming to the seats?

 

A:  One of the dudes actually realized that it's crappy to actually disturb everyone watching and go sit down during play and is showing some class.  

 

 

 

 

 

Q:  (dude in Crosby sweater to girlfriend)  "Man, we got here late.  The 2nd half is almost over"

 

WTQRM: How do they time hockey games anyway?

 

A:  The higher the number on the sweater of the opposing fan, the more likely they know nothing about hockey.  Next time, spend the first 2 halves of the game studying the rules, and come sit down and enjoy during the 3rd half.

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